Former People Pleaser
That’s right. I was once a people pleaser. I went over and beyond to make sure people liked me as a person. I figured this out while going to therapy.
It got to the point where it destroyed me mentally. It’s exhausting constantly keeping tabs on what someone did for me and how to repay them equally or greater. You name it, I did it. I made sure I bought expensive gifts for Holidays and Birthdays.
You just had a baby? Send flowers. You’re depressed? Send flowers. Someone died? Send the biggest arrangement because that proves you care the most out of everyone…..right?
MENTALLY DRAINING!
I offered help when deep down I was too tired from my job. I said yes to dinners, seeing a movie and attending events when I really just wanted to go home. It’s not that I’m selfish. I have my moments where I do enjoy going out with Friends. But I am introvert by nature, and I LOVE staying HOME. Do you feel me? Home Sweet Home! Cooking, reading a book, Yoga, sleeping…….. My favorite part of Covid shut down was the excuse not to see or do anything with anyone. Sorry… Covid.
Large crowds and long events drain me. I love going to concerts. I love music passionately and enjoy a live band.
But I need the next day to be absolutely NOTHING but relaxation. Vice versa. If I know I have plans with friends on a Saturday night, I do nothing the Friday night before. So, any last min invites will most likely be declined. Unless it’s important like someone I know is in the hospital. Then yes, of course I will be there. I love to go out….but I need time to recharge. I like my peace and quiet. I thrive on silence.
If you’re reading this, don’t automatically think our last get together annoyed me. I’m talking about my Past self. I used to cram so much in 1 day – I hated it. I sacrificed my weekends. I used to cancel my gym and massage appointments because someone suddenly wanted to meet up last min.
I would say yes to a Happy Hour after a long stressful day at work. I did a lot back then just to avoid hurting someone’s feelings or appearing rude.
Yet, I was ignoring how I felt. I wasn’t taken care of my own commitments. I did things to be selfless and it bit me in the ass.
Candie today is different. I am much better at balancing my time and only attending events that benefit me. If someone doesn’t like it, then too bad. I’m not Super Man.
But going back to past me. I didn’t just do it with Friends and Co workers. I caught myself doing it to Family members as well. This person loves me so much. This person did this and that for me………..I gotta show my appreciation. As we should. But love is supposed to be unconditional, especially when it comes to Family.
If we are constantly trying to repay someone for their kindness, we will lose our identities. Materialistic items don’t matter. It’s the time we spend with one another. It’s the laughter. It’s the memory. That’s what we should treasure. Not on gifts or IOU favors.
It's okay to say NO sometimes.
Do what you really want in life and do it organically with Self- Love.
1. "You are enough just as you are. Each emotion, everything in your life, everything you do or do not do... where you are and who you are right now is enough. It is perfect." — Haemin Sunim
