PEACE

“The journey to inner peace is the journey into yourself and to your spirit. It is a journey that requires you to learn how to quiet your mind. It requires some inner work, but it is inner work that you can do even while living your usual, everyday life.” https://www.successconsciousness.com

I’ve decided to slowly ween myself off Prozac.  I’ve been taking it for about 5 years, and it did help me tremendously. During those 5 years of depression, Prozac really saved me.  Now that most of my problems in life have been resolved, I am feeling happier and less stressed out.   

I will soon move into our new house, and I’ll be able to get back to exercising and eating healthy.  I would like to try it and see if I can manage without the help of an SSRI. It’s been 1 week, and I already feel the withdrawal symptoms.  I feel extremely irritated and super angry.  Its like PMS but 100X worth.  I have been doing my best to stay calm. Deep breaths. Distracting my focus into something positive. It’s going to be hard for sure, but I must try it.  I really don’t want to rely on medication for the rest of my life.

The stigma of mental health is real.  For a long time, I didn’t tell anyone I was on Prozac.  I even kept my therapist a secret.  Only my Husband knew and maybe a few close friends. But I never broadcast it.  Especially not in the workplace.  So, I understand the fear someone might feel discussing it.  If I have to go back on Prozac for whatever reason, I will not beat myself up for it.   This is just a trial run.  I want to be sober minded.  Live my true self and learn to love it. Even when I have a bad day.  I would like to train my brain to heal itself.

I am taking a whole week off from work after Easter and I will take the time to get back to what I love doing the most.  Running.  Yoga.  Making smoothies. Reading a book. Making music.   

I mean….. it’s been 8 months living with my mom.  My habits and hobbies completely went on pause.  I am so excited to get it all back.   That small bit of future happiness does help with my withdrawal symptoms.   I need to have my body remember how to make its own serotonin.  I may even cut back on alcohol.  Although I love my evening wine very much.  But I think 1 glass a day isn’t terrible.  But compared to how I used to drink….1 glass of wine is pretty close to being sober.  I am tired of hangovers. 

 2024 has been an incredible year for me. I spent so long dwelling on past events, regret, sadness, sudden changes……my mind just fell apart.  I had to learn who I was and how to move on.  And guess what?  I love my life and who I am!

Between therapy and this blog, I am a much better person.   I’m a better wife.  A better daughter. A better Friend.  

 I can’t believe it took this long to get here but it was totally worth it.