Maybe when I’m dead?
I have to say. I find it strange that the closest people in my life have never read my blog. They don’t even ask about it. I’m totally used to it. If you have read my topic on Music - I talk about how no one even cared when I learned to play guitar.
But when I say closest people. I’m talking about my Hubby. I’ve been married 20 years. I know deep down he loves me. But even in my most personal form of expression, he doesn’t have a clue about what I write in this blog. Not even a bit curious. I find that so strange.
I know for certain. If he had a blog. I would read it every day. How can he show zero interest in my hobbies ???? I assume it’s because he finds my blog narcissistic. Maybe he finds me completely boring? Maybe he just doesn’t care.
I promote Real Talk on my IG and Facebook constantly. I have told him on several occasions how this blog changed my life for the better. Same day, I may even want to write a book. His reaction is genuine. He seems happy for me. And yet, he’s not even curious what I write about ???? I even hint that my blog is public. “Anyone can read it”. It’s not like this is my diary. He has permission to check it out and I don’t even think he has visited the website.
Maybe its because he’s a man???? I guess some men find this stuff too girly?
I have poured out my inner secrets. My pain. My happiness. And the man I am married to hasn’t read 1 blog. He has never even brought it up to me.
Is this what other writers go through? Do their spouses just not give an F ? lol. Am I being too sensitive???? Perhaps my expectations are too high as usual. I mean, I don’t expect anyone to read my blog. But my own spouse? I thought he would be first in line.
Now I know what you’re thinking. Just tell him how I feel right ???? Well I don’t want to. It’s the same feeling hinting you want flowers or an unexpected romantic getaway. That’s the whole point isn’t it? I want him to want to be interested in my life on his own terms. If I have to nag about it. Then it won’t matter if he reads it - just to shut me up. Ya feel me ????
Maybe when I’m dead. Years …… years down the road. Maybe then he’ll read it. Maybe he never will.
That’s why I have the courage to write about it now.
Because I know he’ll never see it.
